If you do what you've always done, You'll get what you always got

A close friend of mine was visiting from out of town and invited me to visit his home church here in DC. I go and thoroughly enjoyed the service. The sermon was simple but a few things really stood out to me. The pastor was talkin bout having unclaimed blessings (not prosperity talk or nothing just that we miss out on so much God has for us because we refuse to put in the work to get it.)



But what stood out them most was him saying "You will never change what you tolerate."



After all, If you weren't pleased with something wouldn't you work to change it? It really got to me because I'm known for being the ULTIMATE persevere-er and its true. I take SO much! til I'm simply done taking it, and you know, it works for me. Honestly I wouldn't have made it this far had I not persevered...even though I had plenty people helping me along the way. And as dissatisfied I am with the way things are now, personally, professionally, etc you'd think I'd be doing more to change it but sadly I'm not. I'm trying of course but I think I've let the sheer magnitude of everything that's been going on take over so much so that I haven't been able to put together a tangible plan....



When it comes to relationships, I'm the type to observe people. I'm highly combative so I usually try to avoid arguments unless its really important because I know I will argue you to the death. But to get a feel for people's characters I tend to just observe how they treat me and others ..... and to date, I can't say my assessments have been wrong yet.. haste makes waste you know.....



My objective is...without me nagging and getting on my soap box about what I WON'T take and how I expect to be treated (all I really ask for is a little respect and consideration), how would you treat me? So needless to say...many a man has found me "suddenly" not feelin him when really I've built a case file over a period of time...it sounds harsh but isn't that what "dating" is about anyway? Spending time with a person and getting to know them. My thing is when we know we are being watched, we are usually on our best behaviour, but what about when we're left to our own devices? Would you still open the door for me if I didn't get on on my grandstand about how chivalry is on life support? Would you be as charming if I didn't tell you that that's what I like? Would you still perform as well if I didn't give you the cheat sheet to ace the test?



In my experience the answer is no, and it's left me spending many a night by my lonesome..which I don't mind. It comes with the territory. While I think my strategy works just fine (i think), I cant help but wonder if I'm helping a man think certain behaviors are okay because I usually don't say anything..granted I won't tolerate them for long but I'm primarily a non-verbal communicator so words are rarely used. It's my desire that those I invest time with are better and/or wiser for having experienced one who is Earnestly Soul Searching, but I can't help but think that my silence is impeding the growth of others....



I'm obviously still working through this so I'm sure I'll be revisiting the topic in the near future...your thoughts of course, are welcome.