Wednesday, September 23, 2009

I am a woman, quintessentially

Today I realized that I've never wanted a relationship before and that sad realization struck me when Ole Faithful asked me if that's what I wanted. I've had relationships before, but I was with them because they wanted to be with me. They were wonderful gentlemen, of course, I wouldn't have dated them if they weren't, but there wasn't that feeling that it was just something I HAD to have. Maybe that's a good thing.

What do I want? I wasn't entirely sure...outside of academic interests, and maybe what I was planning to eat, I can't really say that decisions I've made were in my own self interest. But after thinking about it some I realized that while my heart may be finally ready to try the whole relationship thing again, my current circumstances do not necessarily foster an ideal relationship starting environment.

I'd like to be able to enter into a relationship from a place of balance, stability, wholeness, and peace. I've witnessed too many people be in relationships looking for others to fill a void of some sort, and from the outside looking in, it doesn't look so appealing. Given that I'm trying to build my own personal stability so that I'd feel safer being more emotionally vulnerable with others, there are too many uncertainties to seriously consider adding the needs of another person into the mix. While I'm not opposed to long distance relationships, I don't even know where I'll be next year. Not like there's anyone to consider anyway, but making a choice for where to go for Grad school would be further compounded by trying to stay fairly close to a "boo".

I always go for what I want if I won't let it go, that must mean I want something right? Maybe just a steady helping of pigs in a blanket, maybe something more, either way...I've been going without for quite some time. On some level I know I just want to be better, and I'm always looking for opportunities to improve and to practice not following my old, comfortable bad habits to demonstrate my growth as a woman, and since much of where I perceive I am lacking is in the relationship area, it could be beneficial to put some of those lessons in action.

I'm just feeling like now is not the right time. I believe that there is a time to be single and a time to be in a relationship, that if done right, there are valuable lessons to be learned, and that neither process should be rushed, no matter how cold it gets outside, or how annoying is the way he chews his food.

I'm still however, learning how to reconcile the realities of my upbringing with my present personal growth aspirations. I am after all, still a woman. I have difficulty expressing my feelings, or even acknowledging that they exist, but part of this journey is finding new ways to present the inner me to the world. I think people look at me, if they know my story, and even if they don't, and they see the quintessential "strong black young woman". Always hard-working, never accepting setbacks, unemotional and level-headed (unless you threatening the fam, lol), staring down adversity, overcoming obstacles yada yada yada. It's not that those assessments are untrue, its just that they are incomplete. I'm learning to acknowledge publicly and privately that sometimes my feelings get hurt, there are PLENTY things that I fear, that staring down adversity thing that I do is more like looking like a dear caught in headlights, and yes, as strong and self sufficient as I may be, I still need a little tenderness and more than AA batteries in my life.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Bartender Vision pt 11 "push em to the limit"

This Wednesday was fairly quiet...kind of a slow night.

A corona drinker comes in, doesn't order too much. After the second corona, I realize he is too drunk to keep drinking so even thought boss man Waffle may cuss me out for swiping cards below the $15 limit I cut him off and make him sign for $10. He stays in the club and doesn't really cause any trouble, until later in the night he tries to steal another man's Heineken (who also happened to be drunk), so the Heineken man gives him a push, and corona man slowly Timbers off his barstool to the floor. He doesn't get up so he is carrried out the bar. Somehow, I didn't realize he came in all the way drunk. No bueno.

A woman from Saturday is too drunk to leave her seat and walk out the bar after 3 goose and cranberries over several hours she is also carried out by her boo with the help of security.

Do these people have very low tolerances or am I THAT heavy handed?

The nekked contortionist is back finally, and walking a fine line so she dont get kicked out day I will battle her. I think the boss men finally realized just how much money she spends on wednesdays and will probably refrain from banning her. But at least now she will usually leave before someone tells her to get off her head. Did I mention that she is no spring chicken? Imagine your pudgy 37 year old relative p-poppin on a headstand in the club. And there you have it.

Monday, September 14, 2009

Bartender Vision pt 10 "Into the woods"

This weekend was off the chain. For some reason, it appears that everyone who likes to give my twin a hard time was in the house this Friday. The sleuth came in..and he wasn't going to order alcohol; THAT we already knew....He only has eyes for my twin. And he stood there and waited...for 10 minutes easy while she "hid" on my side of the bar to avoid him. Once he wised up and realized she was purposely not using the register nearest him, he came to my side, but then she moved again. Finally, he left.

Later a gentleman sitting on my side was asking for long islands.. It's my first time seeing him so he doesn't get a name, but he requested that the next long island be "stronger". I agree, but look at him like he's crazy, because I tend to make long islands pretty strong, to my dismay because, well, they're nasty! But I usual. But I make the second with all liquor, and barely a splash of coke for color...apparently that is not "strong" enough for him either. I tell the twin he will come to get drinks from her next..I am right. I roll my eyes but that one less no tipping asshole I gotta deal with. Who knows, maybe he will tip her? Either way its good for me because we split tips.

To round out the top three, The Little Mermaid comes in and is in rare form. Apparently she is already drunk. As usual she has on a short number and heels, complete with a long hair appendage in the form of a ponytail tonight with her bendi and matching contacts. Tonight she is drinking Remy, She has decided that I will not be her bartender tonight, and goes to my twin for all her drinking needs even though I am closer...oh well, one less personality to deal with. Well she had on these black, slightly over the knee-high boots, where she has stored her money. To pay for her Remy, she lifts one foot to the bar, unzips the middle of the boot where she has several $20 bills stored away. It's already pretty unsanitary to put her feet on places where people's drinks are served, especially after they have traipsed over fecal matter and gawd knows what else, but I'm digressing, as usual, again. the main problem is that the Little Mermaid is not wearing any underwear and has therefore effectively served up an exposed bat cave to a captive FML Well after my twin refused to give her a free shot of Remy to "replace" the one that had been "stolen", she came to me asking for two shot, one for her and a random woman she had rubbed her bare bottom on and then insisted on buying her a shot of Remy...the woman was drinking goose. Well after I gave her the two shot plus some water to chase it, she asked me how much she owed. I told her $24 she somehow expected for me to give her a shot of Remy for free, not happening. Then she tried to argue me down about it...since she is a regular I was trying to tell her to let Mr. Boss Man "the Waffle" know who was essentially standing right behind her, so that he could approve her getting a free shot. But she didn't wanna hear that and kept trying to argue me down, even tried to insist that she had given me a $50 bill to pay for her drinks, which she had not. She crossed the line when she gave me the drunk neck hug, on which I used my superior strength to promptly remove her arm from my neck. She paid, gave up, and of course didn't tip, and went back to dancing around, exposing 3/4 of her arse as she went....

Man what a night!

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Bartender Vision pt 9 "Who let the dogs out?! on Wild Wednesdays no less!"

Since we stopped charging a cover on Wednesdays, its been significantly slower. That's good because I don't drink as much, but also bad because I don't make as much. Oh well, can't win em all....

Because the night was so slow, I actually finished cleaning and closing my register in about half an hour; usually it takes about an hour. And of course, a spirited conversation was well underway. One of the regulars, who is practically family at this point and is a good friend of the owners, who I will call "Long and Strong" (L&S) because all she drinks are Long Islands, which she prefers to taste like gasoline. Usually she will put away anywhere from 4 to 7 long islands on a given night; tonight she ahs only had two--well, two and a half because I accidentally threw away a drink I thought she had finished. Much of our clientele consists of regulars: people who either have that one night a week where they come to party faithfully, and those who don't seem to party anywhere else because they are in the house, living it up seemingly every night we are open. L&S is somewhere inbetween. She is here pretty much every Wednesday, and maybe a weekend night or two if she's feeling really good. She is tall, and a proud member of team chunk (c) VSB..... who will wine you to death, and this is how the madness begins:

After hours at Reggae Club USA, ESS is wrapping up cleaning and accounting duties, Mr. Boss Man Kama Sutra, DJ and company are sitting around with last minute drinks (which by the way, kept getting more and more last minute as the night progressed.)

Perhaps I should explain a bit about boss man Kama Sutra; he is one half of the ownership team. He is attractive (I guess lol), slender, pretty laid back, and has a ponytail. I usually don't find men with ponytails attractive but it works for him, and the ladies seem to love it. And outside of not allowing women to touch his hair, he loves them back. Perhaps a little too much. He has a reputation for getting with a good number of bartenders who have worked here before much so that, upon starting my tenure there, I was promptly warned about him. I think he knows better than to make serious passes at me, besides, his affections are directed primarily towards my Bartender twin, and the many women (including a supposed girlfriend) who regularly visit the club.

But I digress, as usual. Kama Sutra is a wild dude, and alot of fun to party with, and a fun person to have as a boss, for the most part.

Well the conversation begins rehashing last Wednesdays events: The little mermaid, named for her small stature and long, flowing weave, had nearly gotten into a fight. It is well known that the little mermaid is a street walker. She comes in a lot on Wednesdays, either by herself, or with a man in tow, and maybe one weekend night, if at all. Well last Wednesday was her pre-Birthday celebration. Either she drinks Remy (usually) or she drinks goose, no more, no less. To be honest, she doesn't tip that well, and is always looking for a free shot (it's one thing to want a shot of something cheap, like a kamikaze, but she only drinks the good stuff, which I cannot be giving away all willy nilly), which is rather annoying--apparently she annoys many, including the DJ and Kama Sutra (for grabbing his ponytail, lol) Well anyway, at the end of the night last Wednesday, she tried to take home the uncle of Kama Sutra's nephew, who comes every Wednesday. A childhood friend of the Uncle was there and intervened (or cockblocked, depending how you look at it), resulting at her being called out as a hooker, and The little mermaid insisting (profanely) that the Uncle was less than a man for refusing her advances, and her nearly getting mollywopped by the bigger, and more gully childhood friend.

Well, Long & Strong, was getting on the after hours guests for making fun of her (and her profession), claiming its not right that they give her all this attention, only to talk about her after hours, which of course they all deny. In part they are right: none of the people who know her really like her, especially the DJ, and L&S's finger pointing is slightly ineffective because she somehow, is drunk and so she just lumps them all in.

Another round of corona and an extra Sambuca for Kama Sutra goes around

Well from there, L&S goes in on how Kama Sutra only likes skinny gyals and can't handle a big woman. Then she starts goin on about how they (the men) are all liars talmbout sexual stuff they [supposedly] won't do, to which Kama Sutra retorts that he LOVES "snacking on puntang", and that since he can't Bull for an hour he has to eat for the first half so he can make it. *dead*

I actually died a few times last night

Well during her tirade about real women and her squirting habits, Long and Strong showed us her areolas, not twice, but thrice! the third of which was directly in the face of a member of the Dj's entourage. Apparently he was not ready because he promptly turned bright red (he is of the fairer persuasion) and did nothing but smile for about 5 minutes maybe.

And not to ruin Kama Sutras inventive idea, but he claims he will create a dildo with an attached, scrotum -like appendage to enhance, and perhaps revolutionize womens' self love lives.

And of course, since this is not the first time we've had such conversations at arsecrack in the morning, the old conversation of choking and arse banging is brought back on the table after the lecture on squirting vs. creaming. I try not to participate but I'm always singled out, always by Kama Sutra: "Have you ever let somebody choke you?" No. "Would you ever let somebody choke you?" One hand only. I have participated enough so he is satisfied.

Needless to say, I didn't get home til about 5am when we close at 2.