Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Politics n Pleasure, but mostly Politics

As a curiously creepy update to my previous entry... I slept like a baby. I woke up the next morning to telecommute with my boss and get my assignments for the day (I typically work from home) I noticed "the man's" number in my phone!!!! (please note I had deleted it weeks earlier to avoid texting him in my moments of weakness.) So imagine my surprise when this contact reappears where it once was in my phone. I was more than deeply dimayed, I was damn near hysterical!!!! After sending out a mass text to my friends so they could weigh in before I freaked out, I waited as patiently as I could and tried to keep myself from having an anxiety attack.

Once I finally calmed down, we decided it HAD to be some weird technical glitch, because other numbers I had deleted reappeared in my phone as well. But the source of the glitch could not be determined..... I've heard of phones deleting emails or numbers but NEVER readding them. But anywho, I was over it and ready to move on with my day.

Considering my line of business (politics) and the impending election, and the need to re-register (thanks California). I find myself questioning my political opinions and attitudes. The firm I work for is unapologetically Democratic leaning, and truth be told for the most part I consider myself to be a Democrat but I chose to register as an Independent because I felt tired of the usual political game an felt that neither party truly represented my interests. By that I mean, I will vote for whichever candidate best represents my interests, whether they be Republican, Democrat or Green. I don't feel much loyalty to any party because I dont feel they have been particularly loyal to me. I believe my vote should be earned, not just granted because of a candidate's party affiliation.

That said, it will be interesting to see how the parties try to court young voters in this year's Presidential election. How will they balance using our mediums of choice (internet) to reach us without overloading or overdoing their message? After all, we were practically raised on the internet. And how will they adjust their political socialization tactics to encourage us to be more loyal, more consistent voters?

Personally, I believe the Democratic National Convention SHOULD have been held in New Orleans this year, or should be in the near future. It would have been a GREAT opportunity for Democrats to woo young voters (who were especially appalled at the administration's response to the crisis, and who represent much of the hands on team in helping rebuild), Black voters (who felt there was color bias in the way survivors were portrayed in the media, and who feel the response has been dictated in part by the race and class of the survivors), Louisiana citizens, who will benefit from the revenue generated by the presence of the Convention and the service projects they undertake, and create a more activist image of the party especially in a state that is NOT a democratic stronghold. It could've also had ramifications for Texas and other states which have had an increased presence of displaced New Orleans residents who are still very much attached to their home town.

Monday, June 9, 2008

Blog Virgin

I was never the type to pour my heart out to anyone, let alone strangers, but since I, as a recent college graduate, have joined the millions of Americans who are uninsured and therefore cannot afford a shrink, please bear with me as I sometimes may use this space to sort out some things. My present situation, which has finally driven me to the blog scene, is this: I can't sleep. But before you understand my current bout of insomnia, there are a few basic things you need to know about me.

First of all, I've always had trouble sharing how I feel. Secondly, I am part of the Millennial generation, and I am struggling with the transition from young adulthood to being "grown", not just physically, but spiritually as well. That said, I am a Christian, but not one of those people who just goes to church but cares nothing really about the life thay claim to live, but among other things I am working on maintaining an actual relationship with Christ. Before you roll your eyes and click on, understand this: Like any other relationship, sometimes we (meaning me and Jesus) dont talk, have disagreements and even falling outs! Oh! and lastly, I love life, a good joke a good book, good food, good drinks and good sleep!

Well anyway, I decided years ago that I would wait til I was married to have sex. I fought long and hard (VERY hard!) and managed to make it to my Senior year of college before I finally gave in. I chose a partner I trusted (more on that later), then later decided (in part because things grew long distance and were always sporadic) that it was best that I not pursue a consistent sexual relationship with him (I was willing to fly) for several reasons:

1: Because I had promised myself & God I would wait and had not, I knew I could not see him regularly and not feel bad about it.... (and what single woman only wants sporadic sex?)
2. I wanted to be sure I guarded my heart (meaning avoiding catching feelings), and that was getting to be a little difficult cuz I'm not very trusting and don't really let people in, so it already meant I trusted him alot, and I wasn't going to put in that kind of effort with anyone else, meaning I had no other options to satisfy my urges.
3. For us to not be in a relationship we had been seeing each other for a long time....too long if you ask me and that was even before we finally had sex.

It seems that I've always had a very healthy sex drive, at least since I decided I would hold off on the whole sex thing at the ripe ole age of 12. And now that I have an inkling of what it is actually like that has certainly not changed. Since I lost my virginity I have decided that I would pick up the waiting game again and it has been really difficult. Among other issues that are just a part of growing up, I have been dealing with the spiritual ramifications of me sexual encounters with the man. In Bible studies, we have talked about how when you have sex with someone, you have married them in the spirit. Well I figured, NO WONDER I've been having such a hard time letting go of someone I didn't have feelings for and was not in a relationship with. So after much conversation with people I trust, and reading my Bible, I figured if I had married him in my spirit, then certainly I could DIVORCE him in my spirit, and so that's what the last month of my life so far has been about.

Well for the past week, I've been thinking about him alot, (and I dont mean any of those cute, let's hold hands dreams) to the point where I can't sleep and can't focus on anythings else. It's really annoying cuz I don't wanna be thinking about him all day, and it really takes a toll on my productivity (I mean, I DO have a job now). But most importantly, I don't like missing out on sleep. After expressing my frustration to some of my friends today, I decided I might as well go to sleep, as hard as it may be to actually quiet my mind enough to get some sleep.... Honestly folks, I've been having a hard time getting through my prayers without thinking sexual thoughts about the man.

But I digress. As I was lying in bed, I was thinking about the approaching anniversary of my Godfather's sudden passing, and how hard it has been for me to make my peace. And it dawned on me. I have never been so horny in my life! and I realized that today it has been exactly a year since I chose to first share my body with him. Considering that I am trying to divorce him in my spirit, it makes sense that subconsciously I would be thinking of our first time together. That may not mean anything to you who may be reading this blog, but that absolutely blew my mind. So much so that I got up out of my bed and started this blog (since I was having trouble sleeping anyway).

And there you have it.