Monday, May 4, 2009

Bartender Vision pt 3 The art of cool

I know it's been a long time folks but life has been busy, stressful, and frankly, not that exciting. However, the other Friday nearly prompted me to do something VERY out of character, had I not been buzzed (read: half drunk), and therefore in a generally good mood. What is that you ask? Fighting random beezies in the club. As you know by now bartending is my side hustle, I want to buy a house in the next two years and want to save more aggressively so I can afford to do that, and I usually only work a couple nights a week: wed, sat, and every other Sunday. But the past few weeks I've been working Fridays too to fill in for another bartender who was out recovering from surgery.

I'm sure you also know that Friday and Saturday nights are probably the biggest "party" nights of the week, since most people don't work weekends, but I'm digressing.

Truth be told, I don't know what it is about my establishment, but I really don't like working on Friday nights because it seems like the customers are more pushy, less patient, and because it's so busy, I usually don't have time to keep drinkin to keep that steady buzz so I end up sad, sober, flustered, and irritated.

Well, this particular Friday everybody seems to want something for nothing, which is driving me nuts. Don't order a Hennessey, then tell me you don't want it, and then expect me to pour you more than one shot of your replacement beverage of just isn't going to happen. At most, I will give you an extra splash simply because I really don't have time to sit there and argue with you and explain that we are already giving you a shot and a half...something you won't get at most clubs, but I'm digressing again. Anyway, this child of God and her friend were on my side of the bar; we shall call her sticky fingaz. They order soda, we charge $3 and do not give you the can. She wines, feigns outrage. I'm sobering up, and therefore I am getting irritated. I also have other impatiently waiting customers, I need to collect this money and move on. So I offer to give them an impromptu 2 for 1 special, she bites. I get the money and move on.

I don't think most people pay attention to the way bartenders work, I know I didn't before I got behind the bar, but I try to work in a way that is most efficient. I keep my job by shoveling in as much money as possible and pushing out as many drinks as possible. I don't worry as much about tips because if you have customer volume, you still can have a good night even if people only give you a dollar per drink or a dollar per round. So I'm most efficient when I give the drink collect the money, serve another and go back to collect the tip later. Usually I have no problems... But this day, that is not the case. One of my customers tells me to watch out because "she" is takin my tips. I assume he is speaking of the other bartender, who is my friend and I am not worried, confused but not worried.

But then, I notice my customers are chillin at the bar waiting for me to come back, which is slightly annoying because then I cannot access the next row of thirsty drinkers and then I see it: sticky fingaz has swiped a $5 bill from the bar (read: my tip money) and a kind customer has forced her to put it back and has told her thas not coo. She giggles cuz she thought that shit was cute.

I'm not one who is easily angered, and I try to remain calm cool and collected because I have a really bad temper, but no lie, it took everything within me to not reach across the bar and not beat out all of her fecal matter then yell "EAST OAKLAND BEYATCH!!!!!!" I'm not sure which angered me most, the fact that she just begged for something for nothing and then stole from me? Or the part where she thought it was a cute game? Anyway I told my boss if she was still sitting there by the time the night was out I would come from behind the bar and beat the shit out of her, so he gives me a shot, but in the meantime, I just had to cycle around sooner than usual and keep an eye on her to protect my tips. I'm still kinda mad they didn't just kick her out but whatever. Please believe if she ever comes in my bar again she won't get no service from me....

I haven't seen the nekked contortionist in a while; real talk if I had her number I'd check up on her and make sure she was okay. I think I might actually miss her end of the night antics...especially on Wednesdays... they're still kinda slow because we don't have the summer crowd just yet.

Oh and the sleuth? he still slinking around as usual. I think he's finally pissed off all the bartenders so he keeps a low profile...but he's twisting his's in that I just started awkward stage...only things is, I don't think it will look much better when it grows out...oh well, at least he's not bugging me...