Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Time for an upgrade

Happy New Year!!!!

I don't do New Years Resolutions, for the simple fact that the success rate is very low, and I personally don't believe that I should wait til the beginning of a new year to make changes to my life if I feel like I'm headed in the wrong direction. However, given all the time I had to chill at home in Cali with the fam and the homies, doing nothing but eating everything that wasn't nailed down and letting the itis wash over me like lapping waves and rays of sunshine, I had plenty of time to plot my next steps.

There are several things that have been on my mind lately about how I feel about where I am in my life. With grad school apps finally out of the way, and my savings well below where I'd like them to be (somebody coulda told a sista applying to grad school was HELLA expensive, especially after factoring in a new laptop sheesh!), I've been taking stock and regrouping. The reality is that I'm unsatisfied, and have been for months. I often sprinkle tidbits of my "love" life here but that is the least of my worries.

2004-2008 were years of great sacrifice. 2009 was the year I chose the enjoy the fruits of my labor. This year I need balance. I need to work hard, play hard, but yet still move toward my future. It won't come without sacrifice, or without some indulgences. But it will take me making bigger investments in ME-- my goals, my dreams, my relationships. If I don't think I'm worth it, who else will?

The biggest challenge is my home. Many women fantasize about their wedding day and the kind of ring they want, etc.; I fantasize about my first home. I want my home to be my sanctuary, and this ain't it. Ironically, neither is the home I grew up in back in California, confirming that its time for me to settle down and take that march from dream to reality. Not in a relationship sense but its time for me to set down roots somewhere. That's rather difficult considering that I don't yet know where I'll be in 6 months, but some planning needs to be done, after all, I don't really like those kind of surprises. To date, I have moved every year since leaving California to attend school and its finally wearing on me. Even if I don't yet own my own place yet, I want to live somewhere I like enough not to move for a few years, even though I already know I won't be completely satisfied til I live someplace I own. Just like in my relationships its really hard to invest in something you know is only temporary, but in my house at least I plan to change that. While investing in the place in which I currently reside, I will simultaneously be investing in my future home. I had been doing it to some extent but something got lost in the sauce and I need to get back on track.

Being no stranger to sacrifice, I thought about picking up a full-time job again on top of my bartending so I could save super aggressively and purchase a home in a year and half or two, but I've come to enjoy having my days to myself for quiet time, sleep, exercise or whatever I may choose. I didn't exactly relish my previous schedule of work/nap/work/sleep, where I was lucky if I stole time for distraction (not without guilt of course). This is where the balance comes in. I've settled on adding a part-time gig, and it will most likely take me twice as long to purchase a home, but I will still have ample down-time to recharge, and enjoy living. My father made an excellent point when I consulted him about my options; I have the rest of my life to work like a hebrew slave. Why start now?