http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090318/ap_on_he_me/med_baby_boomlet_5
Babies are popping out of the woodwork. They kinda always have been. So what makes these trying times so different? Surely we've all seen young unmarried women with swollen bellies waddling down the street... And I've come to terms with that. There were even some acquaintances I knew that had children early...the problem now is..this is getting WAY too close to home! With close friends, study buddies and gfs of immediate exs now expecting, I feel like I'm in a small room dodging bullets, and I'm claustrophobic.
Ideally I would like to be married before I start a family, and I'm inclined to think that's every woman's plan, but given the sheer number of people being swept away by the undertow of pregnancy, things don't always go according to plan. Don't get me wrong, I love children and I truly believe they are a gift from God, and I wish every woman has a healthy baby, but considering how tough things are in the job market and economy this seems like a terrible time to get pregnant, especially when you are not an established professional, or have little to no job security. Or worse, you're working retail, waitressing or something like that (like many recent graduates are).
However, I bring this up, not to throw ashes on the faces of those who now have to plan for an extra mouth to feed, but it kinda got me thinkin bout some of the larger issues I've been confronted with as of late: mainly my female friends' obsession with marriage or at least "needing a man". I'm not saying at all that men aren't necessary, one day I hope to be in a serious relationship with one and eventually would like to get married. But when did it become the focus (at the ripe ole age of 22)? What happened since graduation that suddenly makes my friends feel like they can't focus on anything besides the pursuit of man? and how, if at all, is that connected to the uptick in pregnancies in my social network?
I feel like I've missed some crucial step in the socialization process because I'm not on the same page.
Growing up I, and many other young women in my generation were taught to pursue education and career first, the boys will always be there. But somehow, during my junior year of college, I was somehow expected to be in a serious relationship. weird right? Maybe for most people. But for me it was downright terrifying!
**Because my parents were strict I wasnt allowed to hang out with girls my own age; instead, my social life centered around women who had almost a decade on me in age or more. One such woman I spent alot of time with, Danielle*, was in ther 30's with a medical degree from John's Hopkins, sweet, caring, loved Jesus and was guess what?--single and hating it with not a single prospect on the horizon.**
Was this the early onset of single woman hateration and devaluation? If so I'm SO not ready. and that's terrifying because I don't like not being prepared...
This isn't over so I reserve the right to revisit this topic later. Hopefully I won't be pregnant then.....
*Name changed
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Don't JUDGE me Bro!!!
I am the proud new owner of a Stripper pole in my apartment. Now before you start gathering your dollar bills, hear me out.... For the past few months I've been taking this pole dancing class in DC (visit http://www.thepspot.net/ its well worth your time and money), and I really enjoy it. I chose this particular place because it was cheaper, only $20 per class, the emphasis is on fitness and not just how to look like you know what you're doing should you ever find yourself on stage in a strip club. And I'll tell you, I'm an athletic person and I really enjoy working out, but after my first class full of squats and what not, I could barely walk for 3-4 days!!!! It was the best pain I've ever felt!!! And since going, I've noticed my upper body has gotten ALOT stronger! Even when I was running competitively, I could not do a single pull-up, but NOW? I can definately see improvement!
Well, the pole I bought does not need to be screwed to the ceiling if you do not put all your body weight on it, but that didn't seem to be working out so well for all the spins I was doing, so I had to ask the maintenance man to screw it in for me (plus I could not reach the ceiling due to my small stature). So when he arrived at my door, my first comment was "DON'T JUDGE ME BRO!!!!" He said sure but had a quizzical look on his face once he understood my request. He made a coupla dollar bill comments, but he put up my pole....That's all a girl can ask for.
Well, the pole I bought does not need to be screwed to the ceiling if you do not put all your body weight on it, but that didn't seem to be working out so well for all the spins I was doing, so I had to ask the maintenance man to screw it in for me (plus I could not reach the ceiling due to my small stature). So when he arrived at my door, my first comment was "DON'T JUDGE ME BRO!!!!" He said sure but had a quizzical look on his face once he understood my request. He made a coupla dollar bill comments, but he put up my pole....That's all a girl can ask for.
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
Temptation Island
The man, who from now on will be referred to as "Ole Faithful" decides to text me and announce that he is in my city. No lie, I FREAKED OUT!!!!! I called all my friends PLUS my brother to express my anguish, and narrowly avoided a full out panic attack. So the plan was to try to avoid him as long as possible but the problem was I had no clue how long he would be here. His brother lives here so I figured he'd be here what? a week? But NOOOOOOO he says he's here for a month!!!!!!
:::enter the cold sweat and racing heart:::
THEN he sends me a text informing me of a dream he had about me....(which does not include flowers and fairy tales if you know what i mean)...I ignored the message but knew that I was in for an uphill battle if I was gonna make it this month and not have sex with him. After a pep talk from my bro and a friend...I finally calmed down. But a few days later after several questions from my support group (consisting of my brother and friends who know my situation) I curious about how long he would be here... so I broke down and asked him and he says he is here looking for a JOB!!!! AAARRRGH!
I'm trying to do this whole six months no dating, no accepting numbers, no nada! And this will be difficult if he relocates back here. Well anyway, I can't do nothing but try, and some of my friends don't seem to think I will be able to resist him, so I guess we'll just have to see.....
:::enter the cold sweat and racing heart:::
THEN he sends me a text informing me of a dream he had about me....(which does not include flowers and fairy tales if you know what i mean)...I ignored the message but knew that I was in for an uphill battle if I was gonna make it this month and not have sex with him. After a pep talk from my bro and a friend...I finally calmed down. But a few days later after several questions from my support group (consisting of my brother and friends who know my situation) I curious about how long he would be here... so I broke down and asked him and he says he is here looking for a JOB!!!! AAARRRGH!
I'm trying to do this whole six months no dating, no accepting numbers, no nada! And this will be difficult if he relocates back here. Well anyway, I can't do nothing but try, and some of my friends don't seem to think I will be able to resist him, so I guess we'll just have to see.....
California Love
So I'm sitting in the resident lounge at my appartment catching up on work when a couple of my fellow residents (one who seems a lil lost, the other who seems a lil slow) are watching Poetic Justice. He then begins to talk about how much he likes Oakland (He doesn't know that's my hometown) and spent some quality time there in '98. I smile as he comments the the people in Oakland were "cooler" than the residents of say, San Francisco or LA, and I chuckle to myself and say nothing as I continue researching all the state elections for the 2008 election cycle for work.
The other resident, who upon last meeting not so subtly asked for a foot massage from an acquaintance (and didn' receive it) asks if Oakland was full of upper middle class people because "I thought it was ghetto." he laughed and confirmed it's "ghetto-ness". It was all I could do to not bust out laughin....1 point for the slow girl!
The other resident, who upon last meeting not so subtly asked for a foot massage from an acquaintance (and didn' receive it) asks if Oakland was full of upper middle class people because "I thought it was ghetto." he laughed and confirmed it's "ghetto-ness". It was all I could do to not bust out laughin....1 point for the slow girl!
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Politics n Pleasure, but mostly Politics
As a curiously creepy update to my previous entry... I slept like a baby. I woke up the next morning to telecommute with my boss and get my assignments for the day (I typically work from home) I noticed "the man's" number in my phone!!!! (please note I had deleted it weeks earlier to avoid texting him in my moments of weakness.) So imagine my surprise when this contact reappears where it once was in my phone. I was more than deeply dimayed, I was damn near hysterical!!!! After sending out a mass text to my friends so they could weigh in before I freaked out, I waited as patiently as I could and tried to keep myself from having an anxiety attack.
Once I finally calmed down, we decided it HAD to be some weird technical glitch, because other numbers I had deleted reappeared in my phone as well. But the source of the glitch could not be determined..... I've heard of phones deleting emails or numbers but NEVER readding them. But anywho, I was over it and ready to move on with my day.
Considering my line of business (politics) and the impending election, and the need to re-register (thanks California). I find myself questioning my political opinions and attitudes. The firm I work for is unapologetically Democratic leaning, and truth be told for the most part I consider myself to be a Democrat but I chose to register as an Independent because I felt tired of the usual political game an felt that neither party truly represented my interests. By that I mean, I will vote for whichever candidate best represents my interests, whether they be Republican, Democrat or Green. I don't feel much loyalty to any party because I dont feel they have been particularly loyal to me. I believe my vote should be earned, not just granted because of a candidate's party affiliation.
That said, it will be interesting to see how the parties try to court young voters in this year's Presidential election. How will they balance using our mediums of choice (internet) to reach us without overloading or overdoing their message? After all, we were practically raised on the internet. And how will they adjust their political socialization tactics to encourage us to be more loyal, more consistent voters?
Personally, I believe the Democratic National Convention SHOULD have been held in New Orleans this year, or should be in the near future. It would have been a GREAT opportunity for Democrats to woo young voters (who were especially appalled at the administration's response to the crisis, and who represent much of the hands on team in helping rebuild), Black voters (who felt there was color bias in the way survivors were portrayed in the media, and who feel the response has been dictated in part by the race and class of the survivors), Louisiana citizens, who will benefit from the revenue generated by the presence of the Convention and the service projects they undertake, and create a more activist image of the party especially in a state that is NOT a democratic stronghold. It could've also had ramifications for Texas and other states which have had an increased presence of displaced New Orleans residents who are still very much attached to their home town.
Once I finally calmed down, we decided it HAD to be some weird technical glitch, because other numbers I had deleted reappeared in my phone as well. But the source of the glitch could not be determined..... I've heard of phones deleting emails or numbers but NEVER readding them. But anywho, I was over it and ready to move on with my day.
Considering my line of business (politics) and the impending election, and the need to re-register (thanks California). I find myself questioning my political opinions and attitudes. The firm I work for is unapologetically Democratic leaning, and truth be told for the most part I consider myself to be a Democrat but I chose to register as an Independent because I felt tired of the usual political game an felt that neither party truly represented my interests. By that I mean, I will vote for whichever candidate best represents my interests, whether they be Republican, Democrat or Green. I don't feel much loyalty to any party because I dont feel they have been particularly loyal to me. I believe my vote should be earned, not just granted because of a candidate's party affiliation.
That said, it will be interesting to see how the parties try to court young voters in this year's Presidential election. How will they balance using our mediums of choice (internet) to reach us without overloading or overdoing their message? After all, we were practically raised on the internet. And how will they adjust their political socialization tactics to encourage us to be more loyal, more consistent voters?
Personally, I believe the Democratic National Convention SHOULD have been held in New Orleans this year, or should be in the near future. It would have been a GREAT opportunity for Democrats to woo young voters (who were especially appalled at the administration's response to the crisis, and who represent much of the hands on team in helping rebuild), Black voters (who felt there was color bias in the way survivors were portrayed in the media, and who feel the response has been dictated in part by the race and class of the survivors), Louisiana citizens, who will benefit from the revenue generated by the presence of the Convention and the service projects they undertake, and create a more activist image of the party especially in a state that is NOT a democratic stronghold. It could've also had ramifications for Texas and other states which have had an increased presence of displaced New Orleans residents who are still very much attached to their home town.
Monday, June 9, 2008
Blog Virgin
I was never the type to pour my heart out to anyone, let alone strangers, but since I, as a recent college graduate, have joined the millions of Americans who are uninsured and therefore cannot afford a shrink, please bear with me as I sometimes may use this space to sort out some things. My present situation, which has finally driven me to the blog scene, is this: I can't sleep. But before you understand my current bout of insomnia, there are a few basic things you need to know about me.
First of all, I've always had trouble sharing how I feel. Secondly, I am part of the Millennial generation, and I am struggling with the transition from young adulthood to being "grown", not just physically, but spiritually as well. That said, I am a Christian, but not one of those people who just goes to church but cares nothing really about the life thay claim to live, but among other things I am working on maintaining an actual relationship with Christ. Before you roll your eyes and click on, understand this: Like any other relationship, sometimes we (meaning me and Jesus) dont talk, have disagreements and even falling outs! Oh! and lastly, I love life, a good joke a good book, good food, good drinks and good sleep!
Well anyway, I decided years ago that I would wait til I was married to have sex. I fought long and hard (VERY hard!) and managed to make it to my Senior year of college before I finally gave in. I chose a partner I trusted (more on that later), then later decided (in part because things grew long distance and were always sporadic) that it was best that I not pursue a consistent sexual relationship with him (I was willing to fly) for several reasons:
1: Because I had promised myself & God I would wait and had not, I knew I could not see him regularly and not feel bad about it.... (and what single woman only wants sporadic sex?)
2. I wanted to be sure I guarded my heart (meaning avoiding catching feelings), and that was getting to be a little difficult cuz I'm not very trusting and don't really let people in, so it already meant I trusted him alot, and I wasn't going to put in that kind of effort with anyone else, meaning I had no other options to satisfy my urges.
3. For us to not be in a relationship we had been seeing each other for a long time....too long if you ask me and that was even before we finally had sex.
It seems that I've always had a very healthy sex drive, at least since I decided I would hold off on the whole sex thing at the ripe ole age of 12. And now that I have an inkling of what it is actually like that has certainly not changed. Since I lost my virginity I have decided that I would pick up the waiting game again and it has been really difficult. Among other issues that are just a part of growing up, I have been dealing with the spiritual ramifications of me sexual encounters with the man. In Bible studies, we have talked about how when you have sex with someone, you have married them in the spirit. Well I figured, NO WONDER I've been having such a hard time letting go of someone I didn't have feelings for and was not in a relationship with. So after much conversation with people I trust, and reading my Bible, I figured if I had married him in my spirit, then certainly I could DIVORCE him in my spirit, and so that's what the last month of my life so far has been about.
Well for the past week, I've been thinking about him alot, (and I dont mean any of those cute, let's hold hands dreams) to the point where I can't sleep and can't focus on anythings else. It's really annoying cuz I don't wanna be thinking about him all day, and it really takes a toll on my productivity (I mean, I DO have a job now). But most importantly, I don't like missing out on sleep. After expressing my frustration to some of my friends today, I decided I might as well go to sleep, as hard as it may be to actually quiet my mind enough to get some sleep.... Honestly folks, I've been having a hard time getting through my prayers without thinking sexual thoughts about the man.
But I digress. As I was lying in bed, I was thinking about the approaching anniversary of my Godfather's sudden passing, and how hard it has been for me to make my peace. And it dawned on me. I have never been so horny in my life! and I realized that today it has been exactly a year since I chose to first share my body with him. Considering that I am trying to divorce him in my spirit, it makes sense that subconsciously I would be thinking of our first time together. That may not mean anything to you who may be reading this blog, but that absolutely blew my mind. So much so that I got up out of my bed and started this blog (since I was having trouble sleeping anyway).
And there you have it.
First of all, I've always had trouble sharing how I feel. Secondly, I am part of the Millennial generation, and I am struggling with the transition from young adulthood to being "grown", not just physically, but spiritually as well. That said, I am a Christian, but not one of those people who just goes to church but cares nothing really about the life thay claim to live, but among other things I am working on maintaining an actual relationship with Christ. Before you roll your eyes and click on, understand this: Like any other relationship, sometimes we (meaning me and Jesus) dont talk, have disagreements and even falling outs! Oh! and lastly, I love life, a good joke a good book, good food, good drinks and good sleep!
Well anyway, I decided years ago that I would wait til I was married to have sex. I fought long and hard (VERY hard!) and managed to make it to my Senior year of college before I finally gave in. I chose a partner I trusted (more on that later), then later decided (in part because things grew long distance and were always sporadic) that it was best that I not pursue a consistent sexual relationship with him (I was willing to fly) for several reasons:
1: Because I had promised myself & God I would wait and had not, I knew I could not see him regularly and not feel bad about it.... (and what single woman only wants sporadic sex?)
2. I wanted to be sure I guarded my heart (meaning avoiding catching feelings), and that was getting to be a little difficult cuz I'm not very trusting and don't really let people in, so it already meant I trusted him alot, and I wasn't going to put in that kind of effort with anyone else, meaning I had no other options to satisfy my urges.
3. For us to not be in a relationship we had been seeing each other for a long time....too long if you ask me and that was even before we finally had sex.
It seems that I've always had a very healthy sex drive, at least since I decided I would hold off on the whole sex thing at the ripe ole age of 12. And now that I have an inkling of what it is actually like that has certainly not changed. Since I lost my virginity I have decided that I would pick up the waiting game again and it has been really difficult. Among other issues that are just a part of growing up, I have been dealing with the spiritual ramifications of me sexual encounters with the man. In Bible studies, we have talked about how when you have sex with someone, you have married them in the spirit. Well I figured, NO WONDER I've been having such a hard time letting go of someone I didn't have feelings for and was not in a relationship with. So after much conversation with people I trust, and reading my Bible, I figured if I had married him in my spirit, then certainly I could DIVORCE him in my spirit, and so that's what the last month of my life so far has been about.
Well for the past week, I've been thinking about him alot, (and I dont mean any of those cute, let's hold hands dreams) to the point where I can't sleep and can't focus on anythings else. It's really annoying cuz I don't wanna be thinking about him all day, and it really takes a toll on my productivity (I mean, I DO have a job now). But most importantly, I don't like missing out on sleep. After expressing my frustration to some of my friends today, I decided I might as well go to sleep, as hard as it may be to actually quiet my mind enough to get some sleep.... Honestly folks, I've been having a hard time getting through my prayers without thinking sexual thoughts about the man.
But I digress. As I was lying in bed, I was thinking about the approaching anniversary of my Godfather's sudden passing, and how hard it has been for me to make my peace. And it dawned on me. I have never been so horny in my life! and I realized that today it has been exactly a year since I chose to first share my body with him. Considering that I am trying to divorce him in my spirit, it makes sense that subconsciously I would be thinking of our first time together. That may not mean anything to you who may be reading this blog, but that absolutely blew my mind. So much so that I got up out of my bed and started this blog (since I was having trouble sleeping anyway).
And there you have it.
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