Bartender Vision pt 11 "push em to the limit"

This Wednesday was fairly quiet...kind of a slow night.

A corona drinker comes in, doesn't order too much. After the second corona, I realize he is too drunk to keep drinking so even thought boss man Waffle may cuss me out for swiping cards below the $15 limit I cut him off and make him sign for $10. He stays in the club and doesn't really cause any trouble, until later in the night he tries to steal another man's Heineken (who also happened to be drunk), so the Heineken man gives him a push, and corona man slowly Timbers off his barstool to the floor. He doesn't get up so he is carrried out the bar. Somehow, I didn't realize he came in all the way drunk. No bueno.

A woman from Saturday is too drunk to leave her seat and walk out the bar after 3 goose and cranberries over several hours she is also carried out by her boo with the help of security.

Do these people have very low tolerances or am I THAT heavy handed?

The nekked contortionist is back finally, and walking a fine line so she dont get kicked out again...one day I will battle her. I think the boss men finally realized just how much money she spends on wednesdays and will probably refrain from banning her. But at least now she will usually leave before someone tells her to get off her head. Did I mention that she is no spring chicken? Imagine your pudgy 37 year old relative p-poppin on a headstand in the club. And there you have it.

Bartender Vision pt. 5 A change is gonna come

It kinda blows me that more people come out in the freezing cold but not when there's a light rain. So needless to say, last night was a little slow for a Wednesday, but the beauty of it all is I still do pretty well even on slow nights. It was kinda an off night in general..I didn't party as hard as I usually would, but oh well..maybe I needed the rest; I've been running myself into the ground lately.

On a slightly unrelated note, one patron really got under my skin last night. It's my first time seeing him so he doesn't get a name. He asks me for a double shot of remy..which I pour for him...liberally into a cognac snifter. I give it to him, tell him the price and he complains that it's not a double shot...fml Luckily it was not busy so I took the time to explain to him that it was but he was still insisting...to the point of arguing. So I reach for a shot glass and pour the Remy into it..there's way more than one shot. but then he STILL wanted to argue that it somehow was not two shots...THEN asked for more (little did he know that he got close to 3 shots (when people ask for shot of cognac they actually get a shot and a half, because we want it to look nice in the snifter) !!!!!! UGH! After seeing about the few other customers waiting on my while this fool was trying argue me down....I pour him a splash more. He whines about how he thinks I somehow don't like him......... promises that he will tip me extra..the bill was $24 for a double shot of Remy VSOP.. he left me $4 when gave him $6 ones for change....he ain't even give me 20%.....oh well... but if I see him again he will NOT get the same treatment..I'll just put it into a shot glass so he'll get exactly two shots.... The moral of this anecdote? NEVER bite the hand that slips extra alcohol into your drink free of charge.

We've got some "big" changes coming up within the club..some of which I'm a little apprehensive about to be honest. For one, my bosses got the club so they could party and make money...not so they can help us bartend when it gets busy...which is what they have been doing. They usually bring in an extra bartender during summer months to help man the days (Wed, Ths, Sun) that in the winter don't usually need more than one bartender, but with the quitting of the senior bartender, they've got to hire two instead of one.

I didn't discuss it before, but we don't pool tips* where I work. Whatever you make, you keep. Because the bosses are tired of having to cut short their Friday night party to serve drinks behind the bar, and plus they are opening up a new spot they are going to have 3 bartenders behind the bar on the busiest nights. Great, we have extra help but that comes with problems all its own. They have decided that on those nights we will have 3 bartenders, we will pool tips. the veteran was not having that, and put in her 2 weeks notice. So now I'll be working Fridays also.


The boss man seems convinced we will make more money at the bar AND in tips...I'm hopeful but not 100% sure:

1. We still only have 2 registers.... No matter how many drinks we whip up, we still gotta enter it into the system..and we don't even have POS**.

2. We only have one credit card machine. Again, it just slows down the process...Me and the twin are already strugglin to get our receipt orders processed, and once she accidentally gave away the credit card and ID of one of my customers to the wrong person..(boy was THAT a nightmare)

3. In this instance it's a double edged sword that we'll be pooling tips.. our bosses like hiring people straight out of bar school..no shame in that..for all of us this is our first bar gig. But this means the third person is inexperienced, and doesn't seem like she is bringing in tips just like that just yet. In time she will but I think in the short run it will hurt us. Also, when we are off on our liquor count we have to pay the difference...I feel like there's more room for error, and because you can't pinpoint it to one person...we'll ALL have to pay..which sux. Because if someone is giving their friends a lot of free drinks, or just making a lot of errors in general, it could be ugly. That said, pooling tips can be good because we act as our own bar backs, and when the juices run out, etc we refill them ourselves, because you know you're losing money not serving drinks, I really didn't see anyone wanting to stop to refill the cranberry juice or count out ones from the tip jar when we run out of ones for change in the register.

4. Instead of 2 personalities, it's three...she seems cool but how do the three of us work together..my twin is not super excited about pooling tips for the reasons discussed above and i kinda feel her...but we'll see....at least we don't have to pool on slower nights.

******** Updates on some of my infamous regulars********

The nekked contortionist was back....I was so surprised/shocked/excited I hugged her. lol I asked her why she hadn't been around and apparently she had been banned for a few months because of her dance floor antics... well she was back at it, wine-ing all over the place and drinking zombies..she seemed VERY excited to be back...even brought out some new dance moves....and had the presence of mind to "leave before they ban me again." I was glad.

The Sleuth came in last night. He didn't stay long, just wanted to give me a flyer of a picture of him with VP Biden, for an event announcing his mayoral candidacy......He finally cut off the twists....thank God! I wasn't a flattering style for him. Apparently he's been pursuing my Bartender twin, on nights we're not there together of course, but she constantly rejects him. He has thrown flowers at her because of it then come back later with a Tiffany** bracelet to express his regret. Sigh...when he gon learn?

*The practice of splitting tips evenly at the end of the night, so everyone leaves with the same amount. If you're not as good a bartender or have an off night, its good because what the other bartender made makes up for it...If you're good.....you might feel some kinda way if you're working with someone who isn't bringing in that kinda money for any give reason.
** POS - Point of Sale-the touch-screen flat panel registers in many restaurants and clubs
***The authenticity of this gift has not yet been established.

Bartender Vision pt 3 The art of cool

I know it's been a long time folks but life has been busy, stressful, and frankly, not that exciting. However, the other Friday nearly prompted me to do something VERY out of character, had I not been buzzed (read: half drunk), and therefore in a generally good mood. What is that you ask? Fighting random beezies in the club. As you know by now bartending is my side hustle, I want to buy a house in the next two years and want to save more aggressively so I can afford to do that, and I usually only work a couple nights a week: wed, sat, and every other Sunday. But the past few weeks I've been working Fridays too to fill in for another bartender who was out recovering from surgery.

I'm sure you also know that Friday and Saturday nights are probably the biggest "party" nights of the week, since most people don't work weekends, but I'm digressing.

Truth be told, I don't know what it is about my establishment, but I really don't like working on Friday nights because it seems like the customers are more pushy, less patient, and because it's so busy, I usually don't have time to keep drinkin to keep that steady buzz so I end up sad, sober, flustered, and irritated.

Well, this particular Friday everybody seems to want something for nothing, which is driving me nuts. Don't order a Hennessey, then tell me you don't want it, and then expect me to pour you more than one shot of your replacement beverage of choice..it just isn't going to happen. At most, I will give you an extra splash simply because I really don't have time to sit there and argue with you and explain that we are already giving you a shot and a half...something you won't get at most clubs, but I'm digressing again. Anyway, this child of God and her friend were on my side of the bar; we shall call her sticky fingaz. They order soda, we charge $3 and do not give you the can. She wines, feigns outrage. I'm sobering up, and therefore I am getting irritated. I also have other impatiently waiting customers, I need to collect this money and move on. So I offer to give them an impromptu 2 for 1 special, she bites. I get the money and move on.

I don't think most people pay attention to the way bartenders work, I know I didn't before I got behind the bar, but I try to work in a way that is most efficient. I keep my job by shoveling in as much money as possible and pushing out as many drinks as possible. I don't worry as much about tips because if you have customer volume, you still can have a good night even if people only give you a dollar per drink or a dollar per round. So I'm most efficient when I give the drink collect the money, serve another and go back to collect the tip later. Usually I have no problems... But this day, that is not the case. One of my customers tells me to watch out because "she" is takin my tips. I assume he is speaking of the other bartender, who is my friend and I am not worried, confused but not worried.

But then, I notice my customers are chillin at the bar waiting for me to come back, which is slightly annoying because then I cannot access the next row of thirsty drinkers and then I see it: sticky fingaz has swiped a $5 bill from the bar (read: my tip money) and a kind customer has forced her to put it back and has told her thas not coo. She giggles cuz she thought that shit was cute.

I'm not one who is easily angered, and I try to remain calm cool and collected because I have a really bad temper, but no lie, it took everything within me to not reach across the bar and not beat out all of her fecal matter then yell "EAST OAKLAND BEYATCH!!!!!!" I'm not sure which angered me most, the fact that she just begged for something for nothing and then stole from me? Or the part where she thought it was a cute game? Anyway I told my boss if she was still sitting there by the time the night was out I would come from behind the bar and beat the shit out of her, so he gives me a shot, but in the meantime, I just had to cycle around sooner than usual and keep an eye on her to protect my tips. I'm still kinda mad they didn't just kick her out but whatever. Please believe if she ever comes in my bar again she won't get no service from me....

Sidebar::
I haven't seen the nekked contortionist in a while; real talk if I had her number I'd check up on her and make sure she was okay. I think I might actually miss her end of the night antics...especially on Wednesdays... they're still kinda slow because we don't have the summer crowd just yet.


Oh and the sleuth? he still slinking around as usual. I think he's finally pissed off all the bartenders so he keeps a low profile...but he's twisting his hair...it's in that I just started awkward stage...only things is, I don't think it will look much better when it grows out...oh well, at least he's not bugging me...

Bartender Vision pt 2 "blame it on the alcohol?"

*** mind drifts back to early days at the new spot***

Twas a crowded Wednesday at the bar. The DJ was playing all my favorite reggae songs, and even threw in a couple old school west coast jams like "I got 5 on it". I noticed a patron enter wearing some grey leggings, and triangle top bikini under a red cropped jacket. She was on the heavier side but who cares? She is GETTIN it on the dance floor and she orders two zombies (in the best DC accent you can imagine) from me and tips well.

The night progresses, the bar gets so busy I don't even notice that It's Last Call. We stop selling liquor, the lights come on and the DJ is playing the last couple of songs. The zombie loving patron is still on the dance floor getting, only now that some space has been cleared by exiting revelers, she has begun somersaulting (read: forward roll) back and forth across the floor which I am sure is now littered with napkins and spilled drinks.

At our spot, we don't usually don't end the night with slow songs like you might find at hip hop or top 40 clubs, so you're going to hear a lot of soca and dancehall from the height of the evening til the end. Well the zombie loving patron ups the ante and starts p-poppin in a hand stand...or better yet, a headstand. Then she tucked out of the headstand, and somersaulted across the floor only to stand up and resume wine-ing. It was a sight to behold ... by this time I could see her cheap cotton thong poking from the top of her gray leggings. And when she stood up and collected herself when the music finally turned off, you could also see her nipplets had slipped from out of her triangle top from all of the turbulence. eck! And yes, I saw it all and instantly named her the nekked contortionist.

While I haven't seen her nipples since (thank GAWD!) there has only been one time that she has not been rolling on the floor by the end of the night. and she comes at LEAST a couple times a week. All she drinks is zombies and shots of 1738. every now and again I can get her to try long island concoctions...but she don't want nothing that ain't strong. I figure if she wears, cut up leggings and a crop top in the dead of winter, I can only imagine what she does or doesn't wear in the summer...I'm not so sure I want to know but I'll find out soon enough.

The other thing I been thinking bout as of late...I wonder what she does for a living? It's not like she's a young college student acting reckless at the club...she's at least in her late 20s or early 30s and she always comes by herself...so I just wonder what is she like before or after she leaves the club? hmmmn

After all the tabs are closed and everyone has left, I clean up for the night. Many of the regulars are my bosses friends, or long time associates. One in particular offers me a ride home. He seems nice and genuine I guess, but I don't get in cars with people I don't know. Hell! I don't get in cars with a lot of the people I DO know, but I digress. I politely decline. he doesnt seem to wanna take no for an answer. I get a ride home from the other bartender, he offers to follow us. I vehemently reject his offer. Part of othe point of me not getting in his car is I don't want people knowing where I live, in case you are a stalker, the other point is to not end up in a ditch somewhere... Day one, Victory: ESS

That saturday, some of the staff (meaning DJ, bartenders, owner, buddies) decide to go to breakfast after work. To Infinity and beyond (TINB) tags along. He bores a hole through my neck with his eyes over breakfast, and I ask the other bartender if this guy is crazy weird...via text of course and she says, once he latches, he doesn't let go. I get the message.

Luckily the DJ, with whom I have a rapport, is going to his girlfriend's house, who lives in my direction, so I quickly jump on his offer to give me a ride home. TINB looks angry, like OJ angry and I'm glad I got away... The DJ and I laugh, I live to bartend another day.

The following week, the staff decides to skip breakfast and just go home, so the DJ does not stick around but TINB certainly does. I text him to let him know the stalker is upon me and he laughs. He tells me that's what I get for wearing leggings and names me vodoo booty!

What a twist of fate! I'm the one who is constantly doling out monikers, and here I have been named...

Bartender Vision pt 1

As a bartender, I get to witness a lot of tomfoolery and other social interactions among people who frequent my establishment. You may even find descriptions of and anecdotes about some of my more colorful regulars.

On a slightly unrelated note,
****public service announcement from bartenders across America****
For the best customer service experience on a busy night, please know what you want to order before you flag me down.....

Basic profile of some of the regulars:

"The sleuth"- Aptly named because he slinks from woman to woman insisting on buying them drinks, tho he usually only orders pineapple juice for himself (when he senses I'm getting annoyed by his attempt to monopolize my time)
"The Nekked Contortionist"-To be explained later
"To Infinity and Beyond"- Regular who owns an Infinity and forcefully insists on giving me a ride home after work...which I ALWAYS refuse, UGH!

**mind drifts back to inauguration weekend**

It was actually my first weekend working at the new spot and I gotta admit I was kinda excited. Being the type who would rater make money than spend it, I knew I was gon make a killing (which I did). The bars were gonna be open extra late and there would be throngs of people in town to witness history unfold, and tons of people looking to "toast" the nights away.

As a general rule, I try to always spend time conversing with customers, new or old, when it's slow. Providing a nice environment, can sometimes make the difference between someone becoming "your regular" or not, or if people actually return to the establishment or not. I also have begun the practice of giving out complimentary shots of drink combos for people to try...when its slow. But when it gets busy you cant expect the same treatment simply because the demand for my attention is much higher.

in the slow part of the evening, entering stage left: The Sleuth
he sits down, smiles to indicate that he is friendly and approachable
I smile back, indicating that I see him and I am ready to make some money (lol)

Earnestly Soul Searching: How are you doing today?
the Sleuth: I'm doing great actually
ESS: good to hear! Can I get you something to drink?
S: no. I'm good right now.
ESS: oh okay. well give me a second to check on the other customers and I'll be back.
walks aways to tend to other customers and converse

S: Madame Bartender!
ESS goes to see what the sleuth needs...after much conversation and no drink ordering
S: You should give me your number and we should go out sometime
ESS: No thank you
S: Why not?
ESS: Because I try not to mix work with pleasure
walks away to take drink orders as it is starting to get busy, and the Sleuth doesn't seem to want to order anything, not even water.

The Sleuth flags me down once more. I know he's not going to order anything. I bristle, but pull out my patience reserves.

ESS: Yes?
S: The way I see it, I'm probably the most famous guy you'll meet in here, I'm a nice guy, you seem like a nice lady, we should go out, at least let me give you my number.
ESS:wtf? The sleuth, seeing the confused annoyed look flash across my face says
S: Am I starting to annoy you?
ESS: lying No But I can't sit here and talk to you when it's busy like this especially if you're not ordering anything.
S: I don't drink
ESS: That's fine, we also sell juice, soda, red bull and water.
The Sleuth orders a pineapple juice to placate the increasingly annoyed bartender.
S: Do you have a pen? ESS hands him pineapple juice and a pen. He write his number down on a napkin. Are you going to call me?
ESS: I doubt it
S: No! Are you gon call me?
ESS: (ending this stupid cat n mouse game) Sure!
walks off to take other orders.

So after all of that, The sleuth managed to latch on to a group of unsuspecting women and began to pay for their apple martinis, maybe he thought he would make me jealous...I was just glad it wasn't me. But what he didn't know, was that I've got bartender vision*. Our perspective of what goes on in the club from behind the bar is markedly different from those on the other side. Maybe he didn't know I saw or thought I was too busy to notice that the girls he started off with had gotten annoyed by his leech like behavior. Gawd help em if he gave them the same stupid line he gave me, but slowly but surely he made his rounds around the club, slowly getting rejected by each group of girls he would descend upon like a plague...and it happens every time he comes. Maybe he's just clueless, or insane because he tries roughly the same strategy, and I've never seen him leave with neither a number NOR a lady.

The moral of this story? Well there are several. Probably too many to be mentioned in this small space, but for starters we'll point out the obvious ones:

1) Attempts to ingratiate yourself with the women in the club by buying them drinks is an art. Any old fool shouldn't do it and expect great results (unless you try to get them so drunk they don't know right from left, but then again, I don't think you can call that great results). It CAN however, open the door to a conversation, after that, it's all on you. If they didn't like your personality before, they won't like it any more after you've bought a drink for them.

2) A phone number for a drink is NOT an even exchange!!!

3) No usually means no

4) Insinuating that a woman can do no better than you is not a convincing argument, it's an insult! I don't care how much "swagger**" you have.

* No, It's not a creepy 6th sense, nor am I spying on people for blog material, even though people don't realize they provide lots of useful material, but my job consists of more than just making drinks; I'm also sort of a stool pigeon for the bouncers. I have to pay attention to what's going on even beyond the bar to situations that may arise to alert them before they get out of hand. In such a crowded space, bouncers may only notice when the pushing starts or when fists fly. But I also watch body language, and can hear the words that maybe were exchanged at the bar before the fight actually broke out. It's a lot, but I'm good at it.
** Can we please boycott the use of this word? It's been commandeered and loosely redefined by "mainstream" media, and while it is descriptive, it has lost much of it's usefulness since everything can now be described as "swagger".