One of my favorite group games, besides those that involve alcohol and a set of cards, would probably be Scruples (
tm). Why do you ask? Because it's a great way of getting to know people around you... It's replaces
Skipbo(
tm) as the game we play when we have family gatherings. For those who have never played, you have question cards, and you chose a person to ask your question
beased on the answer you THINK they will give. It's
revelaing in two ways: one people learn more about your moral compass based on your answer to their questions, and it gives you a good idea of what people think of you based on the responses THEY think you will give....
(
hmmn sounds like a recipe for disaster, but I recommend it)
What does the game of
scuples have to do with the price of chicken in Mexico?
Well, at one grand tournament, I asked (heaven forbid) if you and your spouse got divorced and you worked during part of their marriage but he made significantly more would you ask for half? My answer card was YES....I looked around the table nervously, as the only single person playing the game in a room full of married couples and wondered who I could ask the question to without ruffling feathers, I felt the tension mounting so I decided on my mother (Granted we live in California so she is already entitled to half so its...a no
brainer right?)
However, to my shock, and honestly the shock of everyone at the table besides my brother, my mother says...."No, I would want whatever he felt I deserved, and would just hope it'd be fair."
Wow. My mother is one loyal woman.
While I don't ever see myself trying to take everything a man is worth, should I find myself in the position of having to go through a divorce, I don't see myself settling for less than half, especially if like my parents, have been together forever, and have been through so much, the good and bad, the sickness and health.
I am also very loyal, but I'm beginning to wonder can you be loyal to a fault?
I'm fiercely loyal to those I care about, even to my employers, but what about those who do not do well by you. While I don't tolerate poor treatment, or let people take advantage of me, I still find myself protecting those who may not "deserve" it.
My last employer wasn't worth a pile of manure but to this day, I don't bad mouth him, to close friends or anybody. Exes get the same treatment, even if I personally never want to deal with you again, I still always find a positive spin to explain the demise of our relationship or some flaw...whatever. Maybe it's just because I'm a private person and
dishin all the details about others means I gotta put myself out there too...who knows.
But what really got me
thinkin was a recent situation:
Over cocktails and burgers at a Happy hour with friends, one asks me if Ole Faithful is the baby daddy of Tiffany*. I shrugged and feigned ignorance which I'm guessing wasn't entirely successful because I forgot to include the look of surprise or shock which would have indicated that this was the first time I was hearing such news, which it was not. (more on that later)
**Months ago, I get a frantic call at work from a friend. The way she was acting made me think someone had died, but no, she was calling to tell me Ole
faithful's girlfriend was pregnant (sigh, why my friends think I care to have status updates about all my exes is beyond me, but I digress). She then swears me to secrecy, at least til Tiffany who I don't really know starts showing. She tells me Tiffany's friend told her and wasn't supposed to but they wanted it kept a secret ( I'm wondering if Tiffany's friend started making calls shortly after the pregnancy test came back positive but whatever, that's not MY friend)**
I kept quiet about it as I promised, but obviously everyone else who was "in the loop" did not since this was now the second time I'm hearing this news from someone who is not in the inner circle of Ole Faithful or Tiffany, but the bigger question is why? I'm really self reflective, and I like to be clear on my motives for doing what I'm doing, you know, to make sure I'm making wise decisions and not being selfish, stuff like that.
Being a woman of my word is important to me, so yes, that was part of the reason I kept the secret, and I'm loyal to my friends, so yes, that was another reason I didn't tell. ( it does however make me wonder which of my friends would tell my own business to others despite my requests for secrecy, but I'm digressing again) I don't know Tiffany and feel it's not my business to spread hers, so okay, it's another reason for me not to start a phone tree of my own. But if I were completely honest with myself, I know protecting Ole Faithful is makes top 3 of my reason. But almost a year after we are no longer "together" here I am still keeping his secrets? It's not like we parted ways amicably, or that we are friends...
Granted, it would be incredibly shallow and wrong for me to spread their biz just because I didn't like how he treated me, but I was intrigued by my refusal to acknowledge that I knew even though the proverbial cat is out the bag. As one who likes to have all the answers, I'm stumped.
Maybe I'm just a good woman....::::looks around:::: apparently no one is noticing
Posts
