*** mind drifts back to early days at the new spot***
Twas a crowded Wednesday at the bar. The DJ was playing all my favorite reggae songs, and even threw in a couple old school west coast jams like "I got 5 on it". I noticed a patron enter wearing some grey leggings, and triangle top bikini under a red cropped jacket. She was on the heavier side but who cares? She is GETTIN it on the dance floor and she orders two zombies (in the best DC accent you can imagine) from me and tips well.
The night progresses, the bar gets so busy I don't even notice that It's Last Call. We stop selling liquor, the lights come on and the DJ is playing the last couple of songs. The zombie loving patron is still on the dance floor getting, only now that some space has been cleared by exiting revelers, she has begun somersaulting (read: forward roll) back and forth across the floor which I am sure is now littered with napkins and spilled drinks.
At our spot, we don't usually don't end the night with slow songs like you might find at hip hop or top 40 clubs, so you're going to hear a lot of soca and dancehall from the height of the evening til the end. Well the zombie loving patron ups the ante and starts p-poppin in a hand stand...or better yet, a headstand. Then she tucked out of the headstand, and somersaulted across the floor only to stand up and resume wine-ing. It was a sight to behold ... by this time I could see her cheap cotton thong poking from the top of her gray leggings. And when she stood up and collected herself when the music finally turned off, you could also see her nipplets had slipped from out of her triangle top from all of the turbulence. eck! And yes, I saw it all and instantly named her the nekked contortionist.
While I haven't seen her nipples since (thank GAWD!) there has only been one time that she has not been rolling on the floor by the end of the night. and she comes at LEAST a couple times a week. All she drinks is zombies and shots of 1738. every now and again I can get her to try long island concoctions...but she don't want nothing that ain't strong. I figure if she wears, cut up leggings and a crop top in the dead of winter, I can only imagine what she does or doesn't wear in the summer...I'm not so sure I want to know but I'll find out soon enough.
The other thing I been thinking bout as of late...I wonder what she does for a living? It's not like she's a young college student acting reckless at the club...she's at least in her late 20s or early 30s and she always comes by herself...so I just wonder what is she like before or after she leaves the club? hmmmn
After all the tabs are closed and everyone has left, I clean up for the night. Many of the regulars are my bosses friends, or long time associates. One in particular offers me a ride home. He seems nice and genuine I guess, but I don't get in cars with people I don't know. Hell! I don't get in cars with a lot of the people I DO know, but I digress. I politely decline. he doesnt seem to wanna take no for an answer. I get a ride home from the other bartender, he offers to follow us. I vehemently reject his offer. Part of othe point of me not getting in his car is I don't want people knowing where I live, in case you are a stalker, the other point is to not end up in a ditch somewhere... Day one, Victory: ESS
That saturday, some of the staff (meaning DJ, bartenders, owner, buddies) decide to go to breakfast after work. To Infinity and beyond (TINB) tags along. He bores a hole through my neck with his eyes over breakfast, and I ask the other bartender if this guy is crazy weird...via text of course and she says, once he latches, he doesn't let go. I get the message.
Luckily the DJ, with whom I have a rapport, is going to his girlfriend's house, who lives in my direction, so I quickly jump on his offer to give me a ride home. TINB looks angry, like OJ angry and I'm glad I got away... The DJ and I laugh, I live to bartend another day.
The following week, the staff decides to skip breakfast and just go home, so the DJ does not stick around but TINB certainly does. I text him to let him know the stalker is upon me and he laughs. He tells me that's what I get for wearing leggings and names me vodoo booty!
What a twist of fate! I'm the one who is constantly doling out monikers, and here I have been named...
Showing posts with label to Infinity and Beyond. Show all posts
Showing posts with label to Infinity and Beyond. Show all posts
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Bartender Vision pt 1
As a bartender, I get to witness a lot of tomfoolery and other social interactions among people who frequent my establishment. You may even find descriptions of and anecdotes about some of my more colorful regulars.
On a slightly unrelated note,
****public service announcement from bartenders across America****
For the best customer service experience on a busy night, please know what you want to order before you flag me down.....
Basic profile of some of the regulars:
"The sleuth"- Aptly named because he slinks from woman to woman insisting on buying them drinks, tho he usually only orders pineapple juice for himself (when he senses I'm getting annoyed by his attempt to monopolize my time)
"The Nekked Contortionist"-To be explained later
"To Infinity and Beyond"- Regular who owns an Infinity and forcefully insists on giving me a ride home after work...which I ALWAYS refuse, UGH!
**mind drifts back to inauguration weekend**
It was actually my first weekend working at the new spot and I gotta admit I was kinda excited. Being the type who would rater make money than spend it, I knew I was gon make a killing (which I did). The bars were gonna be open extra late and there would be throngs of people in town to witness history unfold, and tons of people looking to "toast" the nights away.
As a general rule, I try to always spend time conversing with customers, new or old, when it's slow. Providing a nice environment, can sometimes make the difference between someone becoming "your regular" or not, or if people actually return to the establishment or not. I also have begun the practice of giving out complimentary shots of drink combos for people to try...when its slow. But when it gets busy you cant expect the same treatment simply because the demand for my attention is much higher.
in the slow part of the evening, entering stage left: The Sleuth
he sits down, smiles to indicate that he is friendly and approachable
I smile back, indicating that I see him and I am ready to make some money (lol)
Earnestly Soul Searching: How are you doing today?
the Sleuth: I'm doing great actually
ESS: good to hear! Can I get you something to drink?
S: no. I'm good right now.
ESS: oh okay. well give me a second to check on the other customers and I'll be back.
walks aways to tend to other customers and converse
S: Madame Bartender!
ESS goes to see what the sleuth needs...after much conversation and no drink ordering
S: You should give me your number and we should go out sometime
ESS: No thank you
S: Why not?
ESS: Because I try not to mix work with pleasure
walks away to take drink orders as it is starting to get busy, and the Sleuth doesn't seem to want to order anything, not even water.
The Sleuth flags me down once more. I know he's not going to order anything. I bristle, but pull out my patience reserves.
ESS: Yes?
S: The way I see it, I'm probably the most famous guy you'll meet in here, I'm a nice guy, you seem like a nice lady, we should go out, at least let me give you my number.
ESS:wtf? The sleuth, seeing the confused annoyed look flash across my face says
S: Am I starting to annoy you?
ESS: lying No But I can't sit here and talk to you when it's busy like this especially if you're not ordering anything.
S: I don't drink
ESS: That's fine, we also sell juice, soda, red bull and water.
The Sleuth orders a pineapple juice to placate the increasingly annoyed bartender.
S: Do you have a pen? ESS hands him pineapple juice and a pen. He write his number down on a napkin. Are you going to call me?
ESS: I doubt it
S: No! Are you gon call me?
ESS: (ending this stupid cat n mouse game) Sure!
walks off to take other orders.
So after all of that, The sleuth managed to latch on to a group of unsuspecting women and began to pay for their apple martinis, maybe he thought he would make me jealous...I was just glad it wasn't me. But what he didn't know, was that I've got bartender vision*. Our perspective of what goes on in the club from behind the bar is markedly different from those on the other side. Maybe he didn't know I saw or thought I was too busy to notice that the girls he started off with had gotten annoyed by his leech like behavior. Gawd help em if he gave them the same stupid line he gave me, but slowly but surely he made his rounds around the club, slowly getting rejected by each group of girls he would descend upon like a plague...and it happens every time he comes. Maybe he's just clueless, or insane because he tries roughly the same strategy, and I've never seen him leave with neither a number NOR a lady.
The moral of this story? Well there are several. Probably too many to be mentioned in this small space, but for starters we'll point out the obvious ones:
1) Attempts to ingratiate yourself with the women in the club by buying them drinks is an art. Any old fool shouldn't do it and expect great results (unless you try to get them so drunk they don't know right from left, but then again, I don't think you can call that great results). It CAN however, open the door to a conversation, after that, it's all on you. If they didn't like your personality before, they won't like it any more after you've bought a drink for them.
2) A phone number for a drink is NOT an even exchange!!!
3) No usually means no
4) Insinuating that a woman can do no better than you is not a convincing argument, it's an insult! I don't care how much "swagger**" you have.
* No, It's not a creepy 6th sense, nor am I spying on people for blog material, even though people don't realize they provide lots of useful material, but my job consists of more than just making drinks; I'm also sort of a stool pigeon for the bouncers. I have to pay attention to what's going on even beyond the bar to situations that may arise to alert them before they get out of hand. In such a crowded space, bouncers may only notice when the pushing starts or when fists fly. But I also watch body language, and can hear the words that maybe were exchanged at the bar before the fight actually broke out. It's a lot, but I'm good at it.
** Can we please boycott the use of this word? It's been commandeered and loosely redefined by "mainstream" media, and while it is descriptive, it has lost much of it's usefulness since everything can now be described as "swagger".
On a slightly unrelated note,
****public service announcement from bartenders across America****
For the best customer service experience on a busy night, please know what you want to order before you flag me down.....
Basic profile of some of the regulars:
"The sleuth"- Aptly named because he slinks from woman to woman insisting on buying them drinks, tho he usually only orders pineapple juice for himself (when he senses I'm getting annoyed by his attempt to monopolize my time)
"The Nekked Contortionist"-To be explained later
"To Infinity and Beyond"- Regular who owns an Infinity and forcefully insists on giving me a ride home after work...which I ALWAYS refuse, UGH!
**mind drifts back to inauguration weekend**
It was actually my first weekend working at the new spot and I gotta admit I was kinda excited. Being the type who would rater make money than spend it, I knew I was gon make a killing (which I did). The bars were gonna be open extra late and there would be throngs of people in town to witness history unfold, and tons of people looking to "toast" the nights away.
As a general rule, I try to always spend time conversing with customers, new or old, when it's slow. Providing a nice environment, can sometimes make the difference between someone becoming "your regular" or not, or if people actually return to the establishment or not. I also have begun the practice of giving out complimentary shots of drink combos for people to try...when its slow. But when it gets busy you cant expect the same treatment simply because the demand for my attention is much higher.
in the slow part of the evening, entering stage left: The Sleuth
he sits down, smiles to indicate that he is friendly and approachable
I smile back, indicating that I see him and I am ready to make some money (lol)
Earnestly Soul Searching: How are you doing today?
the Sleuth: I'm doing great actually
ESS: good to hear! Can I get you something to drink?
S: no. I'm good right now.
ESS: oh okay. well give me a second to check on the other customers and I'll be back.
walks aways to tend to other customers and converse
S: Madame Bartender!
ESS goes to see what the sleuth needs...after much conversation and no drink ordering
S: You should give me your number and we should go out sometime
ESS: No thank you
S: Why not?
ESS: Because I try not to mix work with pleasure
walks away to take drink orders as it is starting to get busy, and the Sleuth doesn't seem to want to order anything, not even water.
The Sleuth flags me down once more. I know he's not going to order anything. I bristle, but pull out my patience reserves.
ESS: Yes?
S: The way I see it, I'm probably the most famous guy you'll meet in here, I'm a nice guy, you seem like a nice lady, we should go out, at least let me give you my number.
ESS:wtf? The sleuth, seeing the confused annoyed look flash across my face says
S: Am I starting to annoy you?
ESS: lying No But I can't sit here and talk to you when it's busy like this especially if you're not ordering anything.
S: I don't drink
ESS: That's fine, we also sell juice, soda, red bull and water.
The Sleuth orders a pineapple juice to placate the increasingly annoyed bartender.
S: Do you have a pen? ESS hands him pineapple juice and a pen. He write his number down on a napkin. Are you going to call me?
ESS: I doubt it
S: No! Are you gon call me?
ESS: (ending this stupid cat n mouse game) Sure!
walks off to take other orders.
So after all of that, The sleuth managed to latch on to a group of unsuspecting women and began to pay for their apple martinis, maybe he thought he would make me jealous...I was just glad it wasn't me. But what he didn't know, was that I've got bartender vision*. Our perspective of what goes on in the club from behind the bar is markedly different from those on the other side. Maybe he didn't know I saw or thought I was too busy to notice that the girls he started off with had gotten annoyed by his leech like behavior. Gawd help em if he gave them the same stupid line he gave me, but slowly but surely he made his rounds around the club, slowly getting rejected by each group of girls he would descend upon like a plague...and it happens every time he comes. Maybe he's just clueless, or insane because he tries roughly the same strategy, and I've never seen him leave with neither a number NOR a lady.
The moral of this story? Well there are several. Probably too many to be mentioned in this small space, but for starters we'll point out the obvious ones:
1) Attempts to ingratiate yourself with the women in the club by buying them drinks is an art. Any old fool shouldn't do it and expect great results (unless you try to get them so drunk they don't know right from left, but then again, I don't think you can call that great results). It CAN however, open the door to a conversation, after that, it's all on you. If they didn't like your personality before, they won't like it any more after you've bought a drink for them.
2) A phone number for a drink is NOT an even exchange!!!
3) No usually means no
4) Insinuating that a woman can do no better than you is not a convincing argument, it's an insult! I don't care how much "swagger**" you have.
* No, It's not a creepy 6th sense, nor am I spying on people for blog material, even though people don't realize they provide lots of useful material, but my job consists of more than just making drinks; I'm also sort of a stool pigeon for the bouncers. I have to pay attention to what's going on even beyond the bar to situations that may arise to alert them before they get out of hand. In such a crowded space, bouncers may only notice when the pushing starts or when fists fly. But I also watch body language, and can hear the words that maybe were exchanged at the bar before the fight actually broke out. It's a lot, but I'm good at it.
** Can we please boycott the use of this word? It's been commandeered and loosely redefined by "mainstream" media, and while it is descriptive, it has lost much of it's usefulness since everything can now be described as "swagger".
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